Things Remembered . . .

So much for keeping on top of things. Damn!!! That's all right, I'm back now. Since I like to act like I'm pressed for time, I'm going to keep this segment short and sweet. Hopefully this will encourage greater sharing.

Every now and then some random ass thought crosses my mind. Honestly it happens more often then it should. Come to think of it, I might have ADHD. SMH. Something else to have checked out when I get some insurance (I'm sure my employer's insurance company will love me when I sign on). But I digress, like the other night I was rethinking the pole dancing class I took this summer. Only took one class with my cousin. I had been curious but was too chicken to go by myself. When she showed up I realized this was going down . . . so what she had just turned 18, you know these young kids are into crazy things these days. ಠ_ಠ It was a workout class more or less. It encompassed dry humping the floor, presenting "the Goodies", stretching and of course a few moves on the pole.

Side Note: There is nothing wrong with swinging around a pole every now and then. Make that MONEY, honey. But understand that statement just came from a person who has an alter ego who has aspired to be a rump shaker from about four years old. She goes by the name of SILK, The Exotic Dancer.

In my mind I remember one move that I was successful in doing. This means I think I could do it again if given access to a pole . . . MAYBE. I don't know the name for it but you basically swing around the pole backwards. Ohh and I did it and it looked graceful too. Saw that sexy ass reflection in the mirror and decided that I would definately install a pole when I bought my first house. Don't Judge Me. I told myself that I would go back for more classes but got caught up in bellydancing. What can I say, I really like shaking all my giggly parts.

But the point to this story is what I remembered that day. So here it goes . . . After being put in awe as the instructor climbed the pole and booty popped on the ceiling, she told us "you can do that too once you learn how to climb the pole". She was pretty sure we already knew how to pop our thangs. I know I do. ʘ‿ʘ

So she begins to explain that learning how to climb the pole hurts but eventually your thighs callous over so you don't feel the pressure as much.

Wait?!?! Come Again?

I'm too sexy to have callouses in between my thighs. Thank you very much. All this time I have been protecting myself from that fate (you know because of the thick thighs and all). I can't let an enjoyable hobby do me in, right?!?! It's a crazy tradeoff. So my question is if career pole dancers take calloused thighs back home to their significant others? It's kind of hard to glide over something like that . . .but I guess when your in the moment it's possible. But in case you know of a solution where my thighs wouldn't become hard and inflammed, could and would you share? Because I really want to take some pole classes (now that I'm in Choclate City BABY). Hey, I have to be ready when I get that pole in my house.

The Ultimate Merger

What a guilty pleasure. So I've been watching The Ultimate Merger on TvOne. It's not a bad show. I mean it's much better than all those Flavor of Love, For the Love, and Groupie Love shows from VH1. So the show is pretty basic, Omarosa is trying to find "love". She was introduced to several men and in the past weeks they have been vying for her attention. Well, I of course had my favorites. Ummmm ummmm ummm. Again, there is nothing like a SEXY, INTELLIGENT, and DEBONAIR MAN.

Ray Lavender . . . Let us stare for five seconds and then move on. A new member to konvict record label. Well I wish him success so that I can listen to his music and continue to take in all that ummmm hmmm.

AL B. Sure . . . old school sexy. Well, I enjoy looking at him with his glasses on. I have my reasons. He can sing to me any day or night.

Javis . . . He has a touching story. He admitted to some mistakes, learned from them, and has moved on with his life. I think I fell in love with his story and his physical sure isn't a downside. I think he would be a great date. If it doesn't work out with Omarosa . . .hey, how are you doing?

Lyle . . . even though he has been combative on the show, he exudes all types of sexy. Who knew that a characterisitc of eloquent speaking would equate to a turn-on?

C. J. Miller . . . He was a favorite until the last episode. DAMN C.J. Why couldn't you be a man about it and say you weren't feeling the situation? I'm glad you did issue a statement however. Well at least someone had a great time with you.
I don't want to leave Issac out but . . .I only like him for his body. So for that I'll just describe him. Brown skin but not quite deep chocolate. Rippling muscles all over his back and chest. Tattoo on the back . A couple of pecks. Bald and flawless head.

Getting Back On Track

Procrastination is a MOTHER . . .

I keep saying I’m going to update and then I end up doing something else. Well at least I have much to say for my next few posts. The most prevalent posts deal with the impending future. Cue the overly dramatic music NOW. So I figure I’ll break it down now and then flush it in later.
Oh, and I intend to flush this out.

1. I might be moving. Damn, just when I thought I would come back to the city to enjoy it for what it is worth. I had yet to explore the sights and sounds of Philly because I was either underage or in school. So now, I thought this would be my time to become a nightlife aficionado, but I may have to leave. At least it will be for (what I hope to be) a worthwhile reason. I guess my night life exploration will have to take place in Chocolate city. Definitely not much of a setback. ;-D

2. Decisions, Decisions, Decisions . . . It is extremely hard trying to be young, sexy, and single in the city. Curses. I broke out of a four year relationship so I could find what I NEEDED. But it seems so many other people have ideas about what I NEED. It becomes more complex with each day. What happened to the guys that just wanted to hang out, be friends, and/or share a bite to eat? Among the people who I’ve been entertaining, the majority keep slipping in innuendos. Ugh, innuendos are not sexy when they are unwanted. I mean how awkward is it to have to tell someone . . .

(person 1) We’re NOT going to have sex.
(person 2) I’m not interested in you like that.
(person 3) I need you to SERIOUSLY step your game up.

I’m kind of interested in somebody but for unobvious reasons. Well, I’m sure I don’t want him to ever be in a relationship with and he’s not interested in being monogamous with me or anybody. So for those reasons we have the perfect association. We’ve sat down and talked on occasion but that is it. There’s no overflowing sexual chemistry. We don’t spend inane amounts of time together. Hell, we barely speak. But when we do, it’s good. He’s like a breath of fresh air. Because to my knowledge, he’s not looking for sex (now anyway), he’s not interested in me like that, and his game is stepped up. But again, I might be moving so even he will be out the picture. So eventually I will be playing with a clean slate over here.

3. The List. I was reading this article in Essence and it listed things that every woman should partake in before her last moment. I must agree that a few of them seem interesting and quite possible. I was inspired to compose my own list of activities and/or accomplishments. I figure if I write them down I will be more likely to cross them off.

4. Scoring on their playing field. I sooooooooo need to elaborate. Until then, I suggest reading
Survival in a Sea of White. I've read it and there are things that I most totally agree with or have experienced. SMH But sometimes you have to give a lot to get where you want to be.

5. Summer TV Watching . . . I have my list of guilty pleasures. I watch and I need to discuss.
The Ultimate merger (TV ONE)
Secret Life of the American Teenager (Fox Family)
Pretty Little Liars (Fox Family)
Hard Times of R.J. Berger (MTV)
Chad Ochocinco’s Show (VH1)

So that's the break down. i'll be back shortly.

Black Women Need to Be DOWN According to Slim Thug

As I stumble across my Internet "news" spots, I come across a blog referencing a response issued to rapper Slim Thug. Apparently Slim Thug was trying to explain his take on Black relationships. Unfortunately he didn't do a good job. In the end he offended people, namely Black people because his comments shed another negative spotlight onto the Black community. During Slim Thug's interview he said the following:

It’s hard to trust a Black woman [sometimes] because a lot of Black women’s mind frame is that the man gotta do everything for her⎯ he gotta pay for this, he gotta pay for that, and if it ain’t about money then a lot of them ain’t fucking with him.

Most single Black women feel like they don’t want to settle for less. Their standards are too high right now. They have to understand that successful Black men are kind of extinct.

White women treat they man like a king and Black women feel like they ain’t gotta do that shit. Black women need to stand by their man more.

Slim Thug Interview

Of course these are only snippets of what he said but Damn, these are some all around IGNORANT ass statements. Is this how he feels about his mom, aunts, sisters, or his potential daughters? C’mon man you have to do better. What he articulated was trash. How can you say that Black women expect men to do everything for them? I know a few sistahs who are pretty damn self-sufficient. Maybe he just looks or attracts sorry ass women. Furthermore, that’s like saying all Black people are lazy and ignorant. You can’t generalize the statement to everyone.

He then goes on to say the SUCCESSFUL BLACK MEN ARE EXTINCT. Really? If that’s the case I should quit while I am ahead. What’s the point of aiming to be successful if you’re telling me I have no chance at finding a counterpart? Let’s be serious here Slim Thug, what do you consider President Obama, Will Smith, Nelson Mandela, Rev Run, Bill Cosby . . .I could keep going. Hell, do you consider yourself to be successful? I think everyone should have some type of standards. But I will borrow a line from Lyfe Jennings, “Don’t be a nickel looking for a Dime”. As long as a person is looking for their equal (or slight improve), what’s the problem?

To echo that thought, an alum of mine said, "If you don't treat me like a QUEEN ya gonna be a LONELY KING" -Ayanna McNeil. Hell, a relationship should be FiFtY F’n FiFtY. So the little bit about White women . . .SMH.

You say White women treat Black men like Kings because they’re subservient? Is that all a black man wants? Well shit, get a dog. Black women have been standing by their men for a long as time. Do you need us to hold your manhood while you relieve yourself too? In the worst case scenario, when Black man feels too overwhelmed to care for his seed guess who picks up the slack . . .Black woman. When Black man complains about how the “man” is holding him back guess who is listening and sympathizing . . . Black woman. And when Black man said he wanted to revolutionize how his Black community was portrayed, Black woman was there too. But I guess you missed that memo because clearly you think us as a people ain’t shit. Damn. That’s low man. Just know that most black women are not subservient we're just too damn strong. And I'm pretty damn proud of that becuase it means my ancestors were resilient people.

As expected, these ill knowledge comments met criticism. It happened to be from a Black, male professor teaching at Columbia University. There’s nothing like a Black man that is intelligent/educated and sexy . . . quite elusive, but great to come across.

Here's where Mr. Intelligent & Sexy, Marc Lamont Hill responds:

Even more disturbing was your comment that "Black women gotta start being down for their man more." Since slavery, Black women have had to withstand rape, torture, and humiliation (from both white and black men) in order to sustain their families. Now, in 2010, 1 in 3 Black men between 20 and 29 years old are incarcerated or otherwise under criminal supervision. Every day, Black women are raising children without men in the house, working multiple jobs (for less pay!), and supporting brothers as they finish their prison bids.

Mr. Marc Lamont Hill's Response to Slim Thug

I would go on cosigning Mr. Marc Lamont Hill but he provides an argument which stands for itself. So I encourage you to read and develop your own ideas. I’m sure they will be much classier than Slim Thugs’.

Damaged Goods

I routinely have conversations with my “sisters” about the ideas which cross my mind. One reoccurring idea happens to be about my past and current romantic life. Tsk tsk tsk. Mistakes have surely been made. When I look back at some of the males (I refuse to call all of them men) that I dealt with, I have to ask myself “REALLY?” Like why the hell did I even entertain those situations? Now that I have time to think clearly about everything that has occurred in my life (thus far), I can’t help to think about how I was so wrong for repeatedly dealing with “damaged goods”.

When I refer to “Damaged Goods”… I mean damaged people. These are people who have or had way too much baggage in their life and they’re unknowing or unwilling to use it as a stepping stone to better themselves.

In example, someone might say I’m damaged goods. My past has led me to have abandonment issues (these scares were created many years ago). I know it and have accepted it. Presently I stay involved (study groups, classes, community service, working, social groups, group outings, etc.) so that I don’t have to feel alone. In the future, I know that I will remain an active part in my children’s lives so that I won’t be the cause of any abandonment scares. Actively participating in their lives will be a requirement, not a choice. <- This will be a story for a much later time. But I digress . . .

I have had my share of relationships/acquaintances and most of them have been damaged in one way or another. Damn. I need to get my life together if damaged goods are the only men I attract and entertain.

• Guy 1: Parents not in the picture. He was living with extended family. To maintain his housing he had to care for his younger cousins. He took on the role of father when the cousins’ biological was not around. Since he was around children most of the time . . . he thought it best to treat me the same (AKA SEVERE DADDY SYNDROME). Granted I was much younger than him, he still had no business telling me what I could and could not do or who I could associate with.

• Guy 2 : Orphaned, Emancipated, and learned to be self-sufficient at a young age (AKA as Mr. I DON’T NEED ANY DAMN BODY). He felt he knew best about everything because he had known “what was best” for himself for so many years. I met him as a grown man but he didn’t always act that way. Intellectually we were compatible but that was it. He probably was pushing Wilt Chamberlain numbers. SMH. Cheating on me, she, them, and every girl in his path. In his mind no girl was going to bow down to him so he rather exploit them until he was done. I guess nobody taught him how to be there for someone.

• Guy 3: He’s an overall good person. But he was misguided by his family. (Instead of a monkey, he had his FAMILY ON HIS BACK). We clicked except for his viewpoints on important things. When I gauzed towards the future, I established a blueprint as to how I would arrive there. He lived for the right now. I guess his family didn’t stress the importance of what could be if you worked hard enough. Instead, live for the moment and if times get hard . . . put your hand out and look for help. I have no problem with helping. But I refuse to let someone else take the food out my future children’s mouths. Every time he tries to get ahead, he’s pulled back. When he needed help it was hard to find his family’s helping hand. On top of that, they were the family that felt the need to be in OUR relationship. I couldn't have that.

So now I need to find out how to attract pristine goods. A pristine specimen of a man would have his shit together. This would include goals and priorities, a career (not a job), values and morals, capital (because we can’t share mine 100% of the time), ambition, humor, intellect, and good arms to hold on to me with. But with that said, I have no idea as to find this man. Furthermore, when I find him I can’t be sure that he’ll notice me. So how do I approach him?
Well, at the moment it doesn’t matter. There are so many other things I have to accomplish before finding said man. Hell, I have to be ready in my own life to accept him.

Posting With a Purpose

I’ve finally completed my process. So now, there are zero excuses that can keep me away from you. So before we continue this relationship, I think it is important to explain why we must exist.

For one, everyone sees the world from their point of view. My point of view may not be unique but . . . it can be interesting at times. Hell, sometimes I have to wonder if I and my situations are “normal”. But what’s normalcy?

My point of view comes from the mindset of a twenty-something, Black female, residing in an urban area, having the objectives of continuous growth and success. However there continue to be obstacles set up to deflect my objectives (not by choice but apparently by design). Still, I maintain my big dreams and would love to be a “Billionaire so f*(king bad”.

We’ll see where the lord guides me and where I let life take me.

At my current juncture in life, my main concerns are

• finding a career,
  
• executing my five year plan
  
• sorting out my love life :-/
  
• enjoying the things twenty-somethings enjoy
  
• CATCHING UP on life where I left it 3-6 years ago

More or less, I’m ready to start my adult life. I don’t think it will be too complicated. Okay, so I’m hoping it won’t be too complicated. Hopefully with the air cleared, life will become sensible (thus making up for the antics that filled my childhood). So here I stand ready, able, and hopeful.

We’ll see how long that lasts.

It's 10 o'clock, do you know where your kids are?

Every night the news asks, "It's 10 o'clock, do you know where your kids are?"

It's a sad day when you have to ask someone to take responsibility for their "own" kids.

A Letter To You

A mess . . . here I go starting this relationship and not following through. This has been the unfortunate story of my life. I start something with the best intentions and all the motivation in the world. But then I let other things get in the way. Maybe if I had not of ignored your calls I wouldn’t be writing this now. There were nights where I wanted to shower you with affection, pour my heart out, and really connect. We were supposed to share our worlds with each other. But I always let my current situation take precedent over you. I apologize, I really do.



I take full responsibility for the state of us right now. If I have failed at anything thus far, it has been you my beloved blog. Even though I have not given you the attention you deserved, I never stopped thinking about you.


Well blog I tell you what. From this point forward, I will dedicate some real time to you. Let us celebrate that you will not turnout like poor Xanga. I loved her too but I know I used her. I only embraced her when my world just wasn’t right. I think we had a four year relationship and then I just let her go. Maybe she let me go. I don’t know.


But her I am stating that our relationship will be so much better. I no longer have grad school as an excuse to your neglect. Instead, I have a brand new, overwhelming ideology. So let me address you correctly . . .

Lady Blog,

Thank you for your continued support. Now it’s my time to support you. Please be ready for RETURN as it will be filled with what you need and so much more. I’ve seen the Black Swan. That swan and this butterfly had a lot to share. I'm now ready to share it with you. So be cautious because . . .

I’m here, I’m ready, and I’m coming back with a purpose.

Your Favorite,

Mocha Butterfly